Its like hmmmm every action I do I’m scared of. Always frightened I’ll say or do the wrong thin and as much as I tell myself I don’t care I do, I do care, I care so much. I didn’t throw up today YAY. Although I wanted to more then ever, it’s the first of the month if you had any sort of eating disorder you would know what that meant.
ANYWHOO- I’m drinking alone because no one loves me.
Mr. Awkward, I hate him now- I think maybe I just hate boys, they make me feel like I don’t deserve anything, ever.
IT makes me sad that I feel like the only person that really cares about me from home or even understand me is my insane bisexual friend who also wants in my pants. And im just sacred I may do it to feel better about myself. How fucked is that? Very I know, please don’t remind me.
I wish redhead wanted me- we were just chatting on msn, but he was helping his friend with guitar and I sent him like 8messages and then he went on ‘away’ and didn’t respond then went ‘offline’. This is what I do, I make people not like me. Its like my MO or something.
God I today I was thinking about how I was so happy I wasn’t in high school. Why you ask? Because all i could visualize for a straight hour was stabbing this kid with scissors, in his stomach who tormented me in 9th grade art class, I was looking at blood and everything in my head while sitting quietly in the library. (((See Rich I told you having a blog would show you I was crazy)))
I’m going to an aids benefit tonight, its at a bar owned by bubbles from trailer park boys.
I read something interesting. Maybe I’ll tell you about it another time.
I’m so jealous of my roommate-I hate myself for it because I love her so much- but she doesn’t know me.
BRAND NEW is the best band in the world, they are comforting. Except they make me think of the asshole at home whom in love with.
Scratch that, my roommate (the one whom I totally jealous of)- she changed our plans, and now I have no hope of meeting anyone, I’m just gonna have to listen to boys arguing about history or politics or some bullshit and it will make me want to cut myself.
Note to self: no more drunken blog entries- but ,hey are much more fun
MAybe it would be better if i told people things that I felt. Maybe it would be worse though.
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1 comment:
Maybe it would be good to tell people, i doubt it though, I recon it does a lot of good writing about it though. More than telling a freind would.
Drunken posts are great! They just mean no limits!
I know exactly what you mean about thinking you'll never meet someone. I couldn't sleep the other night cause I was getting so worked up about it! It's so stupid, I suppose everyone must get worked up about it
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