I feel like I’m trying really hard to be the person I want to be.
And it just doesn’t work out because I cannot get my shit together no matter how hard I try.
Things with school and my social life can be going so well, and I’ll just find ways to TEAR THEM APART so I devalue everything to the point which makes me feel like a failure.
The scariest part of all of this is how similar these thought patterns are to those I had when I was umm 14… I mean obviously I was a hormonal emotional basket case, and I’m quite a lot better now. But at the end of the day I can find so many reasons why I’m not happy. But it also seems that if you look for things you will find them. I just wish I could stop looking.
My thoughts keep running back to getting away, But I did, I got away a 30 hour car ride from home and its still not far enough- now my sights are set on the ocean. But it worries me, what if that doesn’t make me happy, what if its me I’m trying to get away from- I’m gonna have to live with myself for the rest of my life, what if I can’t deal.
But I’m feeling better now. Its so nice that my feelings change moment to moment. Smile.
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4 comments:
30 hour car journey!? or was that a metaphore however you spell it
Hey! Hope you didn't think I was being rude! I just wondered if you were still out here! I miss reading your blogs!! But I know what you mean, everything is getting busy here too!
Yep, we had st patricks day too! Although it was drowned out by the England/Wales rugby game yesterday, it's kinda more important when your at a welsh uni but everyone's english! Glad it's over though!!
blog soon!
weird...
Hey!! That's so weird, I was only wondering yesterday evening if you still read my blog! Maybe I sent you a telepathic message or something!
8 minutes! That's rubbish! Must be so frustrating waiting for them watching someone's house burn down.
Yeah, I think you're right about the washing up people. Plus I think they wanted to earn some heaven coupons! Do good things and get into heaven apparently!
All is well here, but how are things there!? What's going on at your end?
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