I saw a great play this weekend and I went to a party by myself. At first I wasn’t gonna go but then I decided I’d go and just leave if it sucked. And I mean its probably good that I’m independent and confident enough to do stuff like that alone, but I always wonder where the line is between faking confidence and actually having it is. If I do a lot of things that take confidence but I’m just pretending and I’m not comfortable in the least doing them am I still confident. I like to think that actions speak louder than words and I really do believe that in most cases, but that doesn’t mean that acting a certain way transforms the underlying feelings behind the action.
Redhead called me, we had a nice little talk on the phone for the first time but we didn’t end up hanging out.I feel invisible. I always wonder who would talk to me if I wasn’t the aggressor in most friend/relationship scenarios. I’ve always wanted to try for a month and not talk to anyone and see what happened. I just worry that no one would talk to me, and Id become so depressed, an I guess thats not good. It’s just that I love performing these self experiments, like vegetarianism an veganism and all this other bullshit.
I have too much work and now im waiting for another friend who just instn gonna show up, SHE probably forgot, out plans were tentative not definite… does that make me feel better, do I feel bad?
It’s barely noon now- what a day.
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