All of the drama is gone.
I feel so boring.
It’s been almost a month, 3 weeks, 21 days.
I’m getting better, all on my own. And I feel like I’m losing myself.
I wish I was like the characters in books, in movies, on television. It will never happen.
I get to see him tomorrow- perhaps I’ll confess my attraction…perhaps not.
I wonder how much it would hurt when he tells me no.
Scary thoughts.
“the future freaks me out”- motion city soundtrack
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
oh crap, i'm so deep in 'like'
So, I have these amazing intense discussions with these three other people in one of my classes. We go for beer and literally talked for four hours straight, its so stimulating. One of the guys I like a lot, and he is always saying how shy he is. I want to tell him I like him, but I don’t know how. I’m worried perhaps he likes me too but his shyness prevents him. How does “I just wanted to tell you I like you, and thought perhaps you’d like to go out sometime, but if not that’s cool- its just nice to know when your liked” or does that sound like the lamest thing in the enter world?I hate this, I need to wait an entier week until I see him again, an entier week!
Like tally
-He was totally up for going for beer looking foreword to it, it seemed
-Had tonnes of fun at my party and stayed super late with all my friends
-We locked lips (not a kiss) while I gave him a super on a joint (so i didnt disgust him???)
-He was very interested in many things I said and directed questions specifically at me. leaned in really close
-He's lending me a book for class
Not interested tally
-He did not come with me and my friend after to smoke (but he was gonna I think, but he had to read for tomorrow and we ended up being at the bar for SO long)
-He isn’t coming to the movie and discussion I asked him to tomorrow (he said he liked the movie and had seen it but really isn’t interested in being part of a discussion about it)
They seem like reasonable reasons that don’t necessarly suggest he doesn't like me- uhhh fuck I’m so obsessed.
Like tally
-He was totally up for going for beer looking foreword to it, it seemed
-Had tonnes of fun at my party and stayed super late with all my friends
-We locked lips (not a kiss) while I gave him a super on a joint (so i didnt disgust him???)
-He was very interested in many things I said and directed questions specifically at me. leaned in really close
-He's lending me a book for class
Not interested tally
-He did not come with me and my friend after to smoke (but he was gonna I think, but he had to read for tomorrow and we ended up being at the bar for SO long)
-He isn’t coming to the movie and discussion I asked him to tomorrow (he said he liked the movie and had seen it but really isn’t interested in being part of a discussion about it)
They seem like reasonable reasons that don’t necessarly suggest he doesn't like me- uhhh fuck I’m so obsessed.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
waiting for inspiration
My, my, my… where to begin- do I just spill my guts or what?
boys:
Redhead- we are through- hes in love with the other girl, not that big a deal. But of course he doesn’t tell me about the love part till post-sleepover. So I basically got ‘just got laid’ brag rights out of it, hehe uhh whatever I’m so immature sometimes.
I had a winter fling while home- he is odd. The main odd thing is he really liked me. That never happens, I always feel boys are always lukewarm. But there were also plenty of other things. Unfortunately I was about half as interested in him as he was in me, but he was around so we hung out a lot. We still talk now that im back at school. I’m leading him on, its horrible but I like to be liked.
I like a guy in my one of my classes. I was sly and got him to come out to the bar along with some other guys in my class. I also invited him to my party- I hope he comes. I don’t like it though, im always so suave around guys im only moderately into aka redhead- I was totally in control. But this guy, I feel like a blubbering fool.
My break:
My friends are fucked, it was weird, I read and slept and got together with old friends and it was quiet and I read some more. I hung out with dad and mom which was nice.
Back to school:
I like my classes kinda, im in this ridiculous music one: 2.5 hours of just listening to classical or art music, not that bad, I just kinda read for other classes and played on the internet. I’m having some problems that are pissing me off with something I volunteered to so and its such a hassle and so much responsibility and bull shit I REGRET it so much.
But being back with my roomie is great, because im having times when I feel really social and other times when I just wanna sit on the couch for hours. I’m attempting to stop throwing up, and I haven’t since I’ve been back a school. Today was kinda hard though. But its basically over. Yay.
New years resolutions:
I’m trying to be better an not slip back into old habits with food. And I haven’t yet which is great :-) I’m also doing yoga, and my neck is fine, to bad the test results brought up some other concerns.
Well I must be off HUGE party tonight and its all for me because I’m getting old!
boys:
Redhead- we are through- hes in love with the other girl, not that big a deal. But of course he doesn’t tell me about the love part till post-sleepover. So I basically got ‘just got laid’ brag rights out of it, hehe uhh whatever I’m so immature sometimes.
I had a winter fling while home- he is odd. The main odd thing is he really liked me. That never happens, I always feel boys are always lukewarm. But there were also plenty of other things. Unfortunately I was about half as interested in him as he was in me, but he was around so we hung out a lot. We still talk now that im back at school. I’m leading him on, its horrible but I like to be liked.
I like a guy in my one of my classes. I was sly and got him to come out to the bar along with some other guys in my class. I also invited him to my party- I hope he comes. I don’t like it though, im always so suave around guys im only moderately into aka redhead- I was totally in control. But this guy, I feel like a blubbering fool.
My break:
My friends are fucked, it was weird, I read and slept and got together with old friends and it was quiet and I read some more. I hung out with dad and mom which was nice.
Back to school:
I like my classes kinda, im in this ridiculous music one: 2.5 hours of just listening to classical or art music, not that bad, I just kinda read for other classes and played on the internet. I’m having some problems that are pissing me off with something I volunteered to so and its such a hassle and so much responsibility and bull shit I REGRET it so much.
But being back with my roomie is great, because im having times when I feel really social and other times when I just wanna sit on the couch for hours. I’m attempting to stop throwing up, and I haven’t since I’ve been back a school. Today was kinda hard though. But its basically over. Yay.
New years resolutions:
I’m trying to be better an not slip back into old habits with food. And I haven’t yet which is great :-) I’m also doing yoga, and my neck is fine, to bad the test results brought up some other concerns.
Well I must be off HUGE party tonight and its all for me because I’m getting old!
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