Just got home from the bar- all the dancing kills my poor joints the walk home I thought my pelvis was going to snap- I don’t know how I’m going to trek through Europe for 2 months…
Today went: Gym, Class, Mushrooms, excessive marijuana, pre-drinking, bar, home.I don’t know why I rank, I totally shouldn’t have. I guess there’s just so much restriction I can do.
On another note- the mushrooms didn’t get me high at all, it sucked I only felt a little different, it was such a let down. And we had been planning it for weeks- well months if you consider when it was first brought up. I just though it would be great and intense like the other times but it just wasn’t.
(not so) Bright idea? while drunk on the dance floor:
Mel: So how do you like the class?
Mel: What’s your major?
Mel: What’s Your girlfriends name?
Donald: Umm I don’t have a girlfriend…(wishful thinking)
Mel: Well in that case I’m Mel would you like to grab coffee with me?
Suave or am I a giant loser?
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
And it's time to go to bed
Sleepy.
I’m tired.
Tonight I did a Coen Brother marathon with a few friends. We watched Blood Simple, Raising Arizona and O brother Where art though, I hadn’t seen any of them before an I think my favourite was definitely Raising Arizona- amazing shots and angles and incredibly funny. A guy we were watching it with (someone I insist is in love with my roommate) I suddenly found very attractive. I mean I’m not interested in him or anything, he’s nice enough, but I guess perhaps theres something a little odd about him, but I mean the fact that this guy I’ve known for 3 years I suddenly decide is cute just seems kinda strange to me. Perhaps I’m lowering my standards.
My room remarkably keeps getting messy despite my hardest efforts to keep it clean. Its basically just a few pieces of clothes on the floor but it keeps me kinda on edge. I think I’ve mentioned the link between my sanity and the cleanliness of my room.
Its possible I ma be doing some hallucinogenic fungi tomorrow- which I’m stoked about. But I don’t want to get my hopes up or anything.
I’m tired.
Tonight I did a Coen Brother marathon with a few friends. We watched Blood Simple, Raising Arizona and O brother Where art though, I hadn’t seen any of them before an I think my favourite was definitely Raising Arizona- amazing shots and angles and incredibly funny. A guy we were watching it with (someone I insist is in love with my roommate) I suddenly found very attractive. I mean I’m not interested in him or anything, he’s nice enough, but I guess perhaps theres something a little odd about him, but I mean the fact that this guy I’ve known for 3 years I suddenly decide is cute just seems kinda strange to me. Perhaps I’m lowering my standards.
My room remarkably keeps getting messy despite my hardest efforts to keep it clean. Its basically just a few pieces of clothes on the floor but it keeps me kinda on edge. I think I’ve mentioned the link between my sanity and the cleanliness of my room.
Its possible I ma be doing some hallucinogenic fungi tomorrow- which I’m stoked about. But I don’t want to get my hopes up or anything.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
I’m Super Cool… aren’t I?
I’m back at least I think I’m back.
My hiatus was… well… needed. Actually I think if I wrote over the summer, it may have been helpful but that’s neither here nor there.
Stress.
School, is only moderately hard. A PhD student I’m close with informed me that this attitude in my undergrad years is Cocky, the bad kind of cocky. But after I think she realized that comment hurt my feelings she back pedaled and said it was more like confidence and she wished at some points she could have just been confident like I am in her academic career. Moreover, what I took out of that was that the bundle of insecurities, which is me, that is so apparent to anyone who comes across this blog is incredibly well hidden from the people around me. I can be great actress. I am a great liar.
What’s really stressful is the idiot move I made by entering an abstract into a professional conference and somehow getting it accepted. Now I have to finish a paper and get it critiqued by people who know what they are talking about while I clearly am a poser fraud (see liar above)
As Well the thesis.
As Well the scholarship applications.
As Well the Masters applications.
Romance.
None. None. None. Well actually with long time friend a semi-summer romance sort of happened but nothing now. I met this very nice guy, however, nice guy’s girlfriend resides in Germany right now.
Self experimentation.
Food things are under strict control at the moment. This is good and I’m totally loving my obsessive gym going. Its something to do that doesn’t result in me feeling like shit.
Alcohol.
Its evil, if you didn’t already know. But seriously who doesn’t love to get drunk? However for reasons beyond my control my liver is unhappy, so I’m not really drinking anymore, at least until things improve. It’s made my wallet happy. You see I’m saving for a trip to Europe this summer, and I think I have enough money already but I was just informed today that my father wants me to work this summer and probably won’t be helping me pay for the trip as he previously had said he would. How expensive can it really be?
My hiatus was… well… needed. Actually I think if I wrote over the summer, it may have been helpful but that’s neither here nor there.
Stress.
School, is only moderately hard. A PhD student I’m close with informed me that this attitude in my undergrad years is Cocky, the bad kind of cocky. But after I think she realized that comment hurt my feelings she back pedaled and said it was more like confidence and she wished at some points she could have just been confident like I am in her academic career. Moreover, what I took out of that was that the bundle of insecurities, which is me, that is so apparent to anyone who comes across this blog is incredibly well hidden from the people around me. I can be great actress. I am a great liar.
What’s really stressful is the idiot move I made by entering an abstract into a professional conference and somehow getting it accepted. Now I have to finish a paper and get it critiqued by people who know what they are talking about while I clearly am a poser fraud (see liar above)
As Well the thesis.
As Well the scholarship applications.
As Well the Masters applications.
Romance.
None. None. None. Well actually with long time friend a semi-summer romance sort of happened but nothing now. I met this very nice guy, however, nice guy’s girlfriend resides in Germany right now.
Self experimentation.
Food things are under strict control at the moment. This is good and I’m totally loving my obsessive gym going. Its something to do that doesn’t result in me feeling like shit.
Alcohol.
Its evil, if you didn’t already know. But seriously who doesn’t love to get drunk? However for reasons beyond my control my liver is unhappy, so I’m not really drinking anymore, at least until things improve. It’s made my wallet happy. You see I’m saving for a trip to Europe this summer, and I think I have enough money already but I was just informed today that my father wants me to work this summer and probably won’t be helping me pay for the trip as he previously had said he would. How expensive can it really be?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
As Promised...
Boys:
Victor- Well I actually just got back from a walk with him. History: We met, made plans. He pushed them like a million times to the point I almost hated him, then we finally went out and it was nice. Not spectacular though. Like fun, but no chemistry, none at all. Then didn’t see each other for a but still talked on MSN, sometimes we have really good talks, then the walk. We hugged goodbye. Its not as if I don’t like him or find him attractive, I ust think maybe I need to drink with him and I’ll be a little more relaxed or something. Cuz I mean obviously I have some confidence issues.
Brent- He’s older than me, he guest lectured my class, we were kinda secretly seeing eachother, (well having sleepovers) behind the backs of some of our friends for about 2.5 months. I wasn’t really that into him, I mean at least emotionally- but I guess I thought when it finally ended, I would be the one to break it off or it would just fizzle or something. But it did not. Then after a night out and several shots- About 20 minutes after grabbing me and making out with me in front of some of our friends (which was totally something we didn’t do in public, ever) he decides to say we can’t do what were ding any more because he’s more interested in some other girls he’s seeing, and that he should be focusing on his work and almost said something exactly like ‘well your 21 what did you expect?’. What was most frustrating was we had gone on a date and I stayed at his place the night before, he helped me study and he gave me a kiss goobye and was all ‘I’m gonna see you tonight right?’.So it was like he had planned to break up with me that night, and still went out with me the night before, it all seemed so contrived.
David- I ran into him right before I had to work today, I hugged him goodbye and told him to have a nice trip (he seemed surprised by the hug- I dunno, no more thinking about him)
Employment:
I sling coffee at starbucks!
I’m waiting on a job back at home (uhhh living at home) but its right up my field of work that I wanna do, but they are totally screwing me around. Theres an interviewer, and ther hireing person. My interview went great, said I would hear back in a week from the hireing person. I didn’t. So 2.5 weeks later nothing so I e-mail. The interview person tells me the hireing person is out of town and I should hear soon. Then sends me another e-mail a few days later and says I’ll know soon. Then at a conference I meet the interview person and she introduced me as ‘Mel- she’s going to be working with us this summer’, and I say ‘am i?’ and shes like oh you haven’t heard back yet, and tells me she’ll talk to the other woman. So I mean the job sounds promising, but I wanna get my damn contract already and give notice.
Vote:
Who thinks I should get facebook?
I’ve resisted thus far.
School:
I’m in summer school I should be studying but the walk with Victor made me tired (I just got home). I’m jus doing kinda not so great in the class and I wanted to get an A, or even an A-, but I’m worried I wont. I need to figure out the math soon, with what percent I need on the other parts of what goes into my mark.
Victor- Well I actually just got back from a walk with him. History: We met, made plans. He pushed them like a million times to the point I almost hated him, then we finally went out and it was nice. Not spectacular though. Like fun, but no chemistry, none at all. Then didn’t see each other for a but still talked on MSN, sometimes we have really good talks, then the walk. We hugged goodbye. Its not as if I don’t like him or find him attractive, I ust think maybe I need to drink with him and I’ll be a little more relaxed or something. Cuz I mean obviously I have some confidence issues.
Brent- He’s older than me, he guest lectured my class, we were kinda secretly seeing eachother, (well having sleepovers) behind the backs of some of our friends for about 2.5 months. I wasn’t really that into him, I mean at least emotionally- but I guess I thought when it finally ended, I would be the one to break it off or it would just fizzle or something. But it did not. Then after a night out and several shots- About 20 minutes after grabbing me and making out with me in front of some of our friends (which was totally something we didn’t do in public, ever) he decides to say we can’t do what were ding any more because he’s more interested in some other girls he’s seeing, and that he should be focusing on his work and almost said something exactly like ‘well your 21 what did you expect?’. What was most frustrating was we had gone on a date and I stayed at his place the night before, he helped me study and he gave me a kiss goobye and was all ‘I’m gonna see you tonight right?’.So it was like he had planned to break up with me that night, and still went out with me the night before, it all seemed so contrived.
David- I ran into him right before I had to work today, I hugged him goodbye and told him to have a nice trip (he seemed surprised by the hug- I dunno, no more thinking about him)
Employment:
I sling coffee at starbucks!
I’m waiting on a job back at home (uhhh living at home) but its right up my field of work that I wanna do, but they are totally screwing me around. Theres an interviewer, and ther hireing person. My interview went great, said I would hear back in a week from the hireing person. I didn’t. So 2.5 weeks later nothing so I e-mail. The interview person tells me the hireing person is out of town and I should hear soon. Then sends me another e-mail a few days later and says I’ll know soon. Then at a conference I meet the interview person and she introduced me as ‘Mel- she’s going to be working with us this summer’, and I say ‘am i?’ and shes like oh you haven’t heard back yet, and tells me she’ll talk to the other woman. So I mean the job sounds promising, but I wanna get my damn contract already and give notice.
Vote:
Who thinks I should get facebook?
I’ve resisted thus far.
School:
I’m in summer school I should be studying but the walk with Victor made me tired (I just got home). I’m jus doing kinda not so great in the class and I wanted to get an A, or even an A-, but I’m worried I wont. I need to figure out the math soon, with what percent I need on the other parts of what goes into my mark.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Holy Crap its been a while!
So, heres the deal- i'm sorry i haven't posted in forever- its just that i always feel like i have to catch up on everything and then the task seems too argous then i get intimdated and don't do it.
But i've decided to say FUCK IT and post anyways and as I write i'll make reference to whatever needs explaining from the past 3.5 months.
So currently- I just got back from a trip to montreal for my frinds wedding. My family went too, it was fun, and apparently i get quite emotional at weddings which was odd because 'im not really like that', aside from getting a bit teary eyed when the plane lands signifiying i did not die on the flight or getting goose bumps i'm a bit unexpressive when it comes to feeling (especially the sappy kind). The wedding was nice, I decided when (if?) I have a wedding I dont want it to be like that one though. This one was all parents and friend of parents and that junk. I want my wedding small and to only have people I really care about and am close with so i can really enjoy it and not have cheesy dance and rap music playing.
As of today I (almost) dont have anything going on with any boys- This is odd since the past months have been a whirlwound/ emotional/ physical rollercoaster. But its over today- because 'David' whom you may remeber from pevious posts, was suposed to get together with me to say bye befor he left for europe indefinatly (and I was planning on giving him he first semblance of a love letter i ever wrote)- but he had to move stuff and it didn't hapen, thus my good bye e-mail (nothing like the letter) had to suffice. I said 'almost' earlier because i guess i'm kinda dating one guy, we've been on one date because of schedualing shit, but talked for like the last 1.5 months, but i don't really see myelf being that into him, but its alright to have him around when nothing is really going on- or just keeping options open and whatever- hes a whole other story though, we can call him 'Victor'. And then theres 'Brent'- also for another time (see cliff hangers will keep you coming back for more)
As food goes- i really cant summerize the past months, but the past weeks have been rediculous. I was at home (major stressor) plus my cousin who was anorexic and bulimic was over and that always kinda triggors me. Plus i was in my old washroom an just its a bad environment. I was also in airports, and airport washrooms, and fasting for like 5 days, and just crazyness. Needless to say my neck hurts like a bitch and is swollen an my mouth is in shitty shape, and i know i need help but i just can't and its frustrating and not a good way to end this post so....
I'll finish by tell you that grade-wise my last semester ROCKED I got all A's Woo me!
to come in subsequent posts:
employment
more boys
you'll have to wait and see!
But i've decided to say FUCK IT and post anyways and as I write i'll make reference to whatever needs explaining from the past 3.5 months.
So currently- I just got back from a trip to montreal for my frinds wedding. My family went too, it was fun, and apparently i get quite emotional at weddings which was odd because 'im not really like that', aside from getting a bit teary eyed when the plane lands signifiying i did not die on the flight or getting goose bumps i'm a bit unexpressive when it comes to feeling (especially the sappy kind). The wedding was nice, I decided when (if?) I have a wedding I dont want it to be like that one though. This one was all parents and friend of parents and that junk. I want my wedding small and to only have people I really care about and am close with so i can really enjoy it and not have cheesy dance and rap music playing.
As of today I (almost) dont have anything going on with any boys- This is odd since the past months have been a whirlwound/ emotional/ physical rollercoaster. But its over today- because 'David' whom you may remeber from pevious posts, was suposed to get together with me to say bye befor he left for europe indefinatly (and I was planning on giving him he first semblance of a love letter i ever wrote)- but he had to move stuff and it didn't hapen, thus my good bye e-mail (nothing like the letter) had to suffice. I said 'almost' earlier because i guess i'm kinda dating one guy, we've been on one date because of schedualing shit, but talked for like the last 1.5 months, but i don't really see myelf being that into him, but its alright to have him around when nothing is really going on- or just keeping options open and whatever- hes a whole other story though, we can call him 'Victor'. And then theres 'Brent'- also for another time (see cliff hangers will keep you coming back for more)
As food goes- i really cant summerize the past months, but the past weeks have been rediculous. I was at home (major stressor) plus my cousin who was anorexic and bulimic was over and that always kinda triggors me. Plus i was in my old washroom an just its a bad environment. I was also in airports, and airport washrooms, and fasting for like 5 days, and just crazyness. Needless to say my neck hurts like a bitch and is swollen an my mouth is in shitty shape, and i know i need help but i just can't and its frustrating and not a good way to end this post so....
I'll finish by tell you that grade-wise my last semester ROCKED I got all A's Woo me!
to come in subsequent posts:
employment
more boys
you'll have to wait and see!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
How far can i travel?
I feel like I’m trying really hard to be the person I want to be.
And it just doesn’t work out because I cannot get my shit together no matter how hard I try.
Things with school and my social life can be going so well, and I’ll just find ways to TEAR THEM APART so I devalue everything to the point which makes me feel like a failure.
The scariest part of all of this is how similar these thought patterns are to those I had when I was umm 14… I mean obviously I was a hormonal emotional basket case, and I’m quite a lot better now. But at the end of the day I can find so many reasons why I’m not happy. But it also seems that if you look for things you will find them. I just wish I could stop looking.
My thoughts keep running back to getting away, But I did, I got away a 30 hour car ride from home and its still not far enough- now my sights are set on the ocean. But it worries me, what if that doesn’t make me happy, what if its me I’m trying to get away from- I’m gonna have to live with myself for the rest of my life, what if I can’t deal.
But I’m feeling better now. Its so nice that my feelings change moment to moment. Smile.
And it just doesn’t work out because I cannot get my shit together no matter how hard I try.
Things with school and my social life can be going so well, and I’ll just find ways to TEAR THEM APART so I devalue everything to the point which makes me feel like a failure.
The scariest part of all of this is how similar these thought patterns are to those I had when I was umm 14… I mean obviously I was a hormonal emotional basket case, and I’m quite a lot better now. But at the end of the day I can find so many reasons why I’m not happy. But it also seems that if you look for things you will find them. I just wish I could stop looking.
My thoughts keep running back to getting away, But I did, I got away a 30 hour car ride from home and its still not far enough- now my sights are set on the ocean. But it worries me, what if that doesn’t make me happy, what if its me I’m trying to get away from- I’m gonna have to live with myself for the rest of my life, what if I can’t deal.
But I’m feeling better now. Its so nice that my feelings change moment to moment. Smile.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
I am so...
Bored, and tired and frustrated and angry. I just wanna run away.
Things will never be easy again.
Things will never be easy again.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Undesirable
PART 1
Can you tell me if this is a girl thing?
I sit, and I hate myself for so many different things. When I was younger it used to hurt. But im so numb now, the thoughts are common like thinking I need to brush my teeth or put on pants. They are there all the time and make me anxious only on occasion. Like how I feel when my cell phone rings in class.
I’ve told myself so many lies, I don’t even know whats true anymore.
I want to say I don’t know where this depressing post is coming from… but I do- I ate 1000 calories today. And I cant stop thinking about it- its not that its too little or excessive or anything like that. But for today, its just too much and making me feel bad.
PART 2
"Hey ‘david’ (is that what we are calling him?),
This week feels like its taking forever.
I’m thinking of going to the market on Saturday morning, would you like to come?
Hoping that waking up early on the weekend will make me feel productive.
Lemme know either way.
Mel "
I sent this e-mail (yes only the stuff in quotes), if you think its lame or whatever I don’t wanna hear it cuz I already feel like shit and couldn’t take it. But at least I asked right. I tried. And when I fail, at least I’ll be able to say that.
Can you tell me if this is a girl thing?
I sit, and I hate myself for so many different things. When I was younger it used to hurt. But im so numb now, the thoughts are common like thinking I need to brush my teeth or put on pants. They are there all the time and make me anxious only on occasion. Like how I feel when my cell phone rings in class.
I’ve told myself so many lies, I don’t even know whats true anymore.
I want to say I don’t know where this depressing post is coming from… but I do- I ate 1000 calories today. And I cant stop thinking about it- its not that its too little or excessive or anything like that. But for today, its just too much and making me feel bad.
PART 2
"Hey ‘david’ (is that what we are calling him?),
This week feels like its taking forever.
I’m thinking of going to the market on Saturday morning, would you like to come?
Hoping that waking up early on the weekend will make me feel productive.
Lemme know either way.
Mel "
I sent this e-mail (yes only the stuff in quotes), if you think its lame or whatever I don’t wanna hear it cuz I already feel like shit and couldn’t take it. But at least I asked right. I tried. And when I fail, at least I’ll be able to say that.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
I should be working...
Alas I am not, I skipped one of my classes today to sleep.
Which was great, I have so much stuff to do and plan I feel like I don’t have time for my boring classes. However, with everything look what im doing, blogging…
Anyways, I didn’t confess anything to T&HG, but I asked him out for coffee and he said yes. And we ended up talking for 2 hours also great.
I had this, I don’t wanna say huge blow up, but I told this friend of mine who I haven’t spoken to for 7 months why I hadn’t talked to him and basically ‘put all the cards on the table’ and I think were a bit better now. I mean at least we’re talking and he knows what I am feeling.
Food stuff is ok 1 month anniversary today puke free. Its not my longest, but I’m feeling good about it (it actually may be my longest with no minor slip-ups). I need to be more active like im walking and doing pilates, swimming and yoga, but its not on a constant schedule and unorganization KILLS ME. Cuz im a freak.
Happy thing: This guy from scottland who I had a minor fling with over the summer, but found ridiculously charming (kinda) in a weird way, maybe it was that he sounded exactly like groundskeeper willy. Anyways, after months of not talking he appeared on MSN and we talked for so long, and he invited me to come to scottland whenver I want. I’m totally gonna take him up on that at some point.
Which was great, I have so much stuff to do and plan I feel like I don’t have time for my boring classes. However, with everything look what im doing, blogging…
Anyways, I didn’t confess anything to T&HG, but I asked him out for coffee and he said yes. And we ended up talking for 2 hours also great.
I had this, I don’t wanna say huge blow up, but I told this friend of mine who I haven’t spoken to for 7 months why I hadn’t talked to him and basically ‘put all the cards on the table’ and I think were a bit better now. I mean at least we’re talking and he knows what I am feeling.
Food stuff is ok 1 month anniversary today puke free. Its not my longest, but I’m feeling good about it (it actually may be my longest with no minor slip-ups). I need to be more active like im walking and doing pilates, swimming and yoga, but its not on a constant schedule and unorganization KILLS ME. Cuz im a freak.
Happy thing: This guy from scottland who I had a minor fling with over the summer, but found ridiculously charming (kinda) in a weird way, maybe it was that he sounded exactly like groundskeeper willy. Anyways, after months of not talking he appeared on MSN and we talked for so long, and he invited me to come to scottland whenver I want. I’m totally gonna take him up on that at some point.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
When the interesting disappears
All of the drama is gone.
I feel so boring.
It’s been almost a month, 3 weeks, 21 days.
I’m getting better, all on my own. And I feel like I’m losing myself.
I wish I was like the characters in books, in movies, on television. It will never happen.
I get to see him tomorrow- perhaps I’ll confess my attraction…perhaps not.
I wonder how much it would hurt when he tells me no.
Scary thoughts.
“the future freaks me out”- motion city soundtrack
I feel so boring.
It’s been almost a month, 3 weeks, 21 days.
I’m getting better, all on my own. And I feel like I’m losing myself.
I wish I was like the characters in books, in movies, on television. It will never happen.
I get to see him tomorrow- perhaps I’ll confess my attraction…perhaps not.
I wonder how much it would hurt when he tells me no.
Scary thoughts.
“the future freaks me out”- motion city soundtrack
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
oh crap, i'm so deep in 'like'
So, I have these amazing intense discussions with these three other people in one of my classes. We go for beer and literally talked for four hours straight, its so stimulating. One of the guys I like a lot, and he is always saying how shy he is. I want to tell him I like him, but I don’t know how. I’m worried perhaps he likes me too but his shyness prevents him. How does “I just wanted to tell you I like you, and thought perhaps you’d like to go out sometime, but if not that’s cool- its just nice to know when your liked” or does that sound like the lamest thing in the enter world?I hate this, I need to wait an entier week until I see him again, an entier week!
Like tally
-He was totally up for going for beer looking foreword to it, it seemed
-Had tonnes of fun at my party and stayed super late with all my friends
-We locked lips (not a kiss) while I gave him a super on a joint (so i didnt disgust him???)
-He was very interested in many things I said and directed questions specifically at me. leaned in really close
-He's lending me a book for class
Not interested tally
-He did not come with me and my friend after to smoke (but he was gonna I think, but he had to read for tomorrow and we ended up being at the bar for SO long)
-He isn’t coming to the movie and discussion I asked him to tomorrow (he said he liked the movie and had seen it but really isn’t interested in being part of a discussion about it)
They seem like reasonable reasons that don’t necessarly suggest he doesn't like me- uhhh fuck I’m so obsessed.
Like tally
-He was totally up for going for beer looking foreword to it, it seemed
-Had tonnes of fun at my party and stayed super late with all my friends
-We locked lips (not a kiss) while I gave him a super on a joint (so i didnt disgust him???)
-He was very interested in many things I said and directed questions specifically at me. leaned in really close
-He's lending me a book for class
Not interested tally
-He did not come with me and my friend after to smoke (but he was gonna I think, but he had to read for tomorrow and we ended up being at the bar for SO long)
-He isn’t coming to the movie and discussion I asked him to tomorrow (he said he liked the movie and had seen it but really isn’t interested in being part of a discussion about it)
They seem like reasonable reasons that don’t necessarly suggest he doesn't like me- uhhh fuck I’m so obsessed.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
waiting for inspiration
My, my, my… where to begin- do I just spill my guts or what?
boys:
Redhead- we are through- hes in love with the other girl, not that big a deal. But of course he doesn’t tell me about the love part till post-sleepover. So I basically got ‘just got laid’ brag rights out of it, hehe uhh whatever I’m so immature sometimes.
I had a winter fling while home- he is odd. The main odd thing is he really liked me. That never happens, I always feel boys are always lukewarm. But there were also plenty of other things. Unfortunately I was about half as interested in him as he was in me, but he was around so we hung out a lot. We still talk now that im back at school. I’m leading him on, its horrible but I like to be liked.
I like a guy in my one of my classes. I was sly and got him to come out to the bar along with some other guys in my class. I also invited him to my party- I hope he comes. I don’t like it though, im always so suave around guys im only moderately into aka redhead- I was totally in control. But this guy, I feel like a blubbering fool.
My break:
My friends are fucked, it was weird, I read and slept and got together with old friends and it was quiet and I read some more. I hung out with dad and mom which was nice.
Back to school:
I like my classes kinda, im in this ridiculous music one: 2.5 hours of just listening to classical or art music, not that bad, I just kinda read for other classes and played on the internet. I’m having some problems that are pissing me off with something I volunteered to so and its such a hassle and so much responsibility and bull shit I REGRET it so much.
But being back with my roomie is great, because im having times when I feel really social and other times when I just wanna sit on the couch for hours. I’m attempting to stop throwing up, and I haven’t since I’ve been back a school. Today was kinda hard though. But its basically over. Yay.
New years resolutions:
I’m trying to be better an not slip back into old habits with food. And I haven’t yet which is great :-) I’m also doing yoga, and my neck is fine, to bad the test results brought up some other concerns.
Well I must be off HUGE party tonight and its all for me because I’m getting old!
boys:
Redhead- we are through- hes in love with the other girl, not that big a deal. But of course he doesn’t tell me about the love part till post-sleepover. So I basically got ‘just got laid’ brag rights out of it, hehe uhh whatever I’m so immature sometimes.
I had a winter fling while home- he is odd. The main odd thing is he really liked me. That never happens, I always feel boys are always lukewarm. But there were also plenty of other things. Unfortunately I was about half as interested in him as he was in me, but he was around so we hung out a lot. We still talk now that im back at school. I’m leading him on, its horrible but I like to be liked.
I like a guy in my one of my classes. I was sly and got him to come out to the bar along with some other guys in my class. I also invited him to my party- I hope he comes. I don’t like it though, im always so suave around guys im only moderately into aka redhead- I was totally in control. But this guy, I feel like a blubbering fool.
My break:
My friends are fucked, it was weird, I read and slept and got together with old friends and it was quiet and I read some more. I hung out with dad and mom which was nice.
Back to school:
I like my classes kinda, im in this ridiculous music one: 2.5 hours of just listening to classical or art music, not that bad, I just kinda read for other classes and played on the internet. I’m having some problems that are pissing me off with something I volunteered to so and its such a hassle and so much responsibility and bull shit I REGRET it so much.
But being back with my roomie is great, because im having times when I feel really social and other times when I just wanna sit on the couch for hours. I’m attempting to stop throwing up, and I haven’t since I’ve been back a school. Today was kinda hard though. But its basically over. Yay.
New years resolutions:
I’m trying to be better an not slip back into old habits with food. And I haven’t yet which is great :-) I’m also doing yoga, and my neck is fine, to bad the test results brought up some other concerns.
Well I must be off HUGE party tonight and its all for me because I’m getting old!
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