I feel a little odd.
I just called my friend and she said she couldn’t talk because she was out for dinner with her friends. It’s our mutual friends birthday today so I’m assuming that the birthday girl is having her over for dinner. So, just a teeny part wish I was there, but the birthday girl even sent me an e-mail message today saying she couldn’t wait till we all went out for dinner when she was back for her trip. I guess I’m just being weird. But I’m actually a bit impressed with myself because I’m not that worried about it, that is to say at another point in my life I would have obsessed over not being invited tonight and wonder what I had done wrong to not have me invited… But all that said, I don’t even know if my friend is even there it’s all rediculous speculation.
Right now I’m watching Wife swap… its incredibly weird!
This episode is lumberjack swap with burlesque performer.
I’m really excited for the next few days. Because I have four glorious days off. It will consist of laundry and cleaning and reading and hopefully some writing. I’m just excited to not have to be anywhere really.
Hmm, also I’m eating pizza right now too, and kinda wanna die because pizza is evil.
Yesterday I got a facebook message from an ex of mine, and when I checked it and went to answer I couldn’t post on his wall so it was like he deleted me as a friend- which bothered me. But then it turned out that I was actually signed into the wrong account and I felt silly cuz I wrote him this message… uhh I dunno.
That is all.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
my day got good at 9pm
Today was incredibly stressful. Glad its over. I left a presentation till last minute. Well, I did the research and then put it all together with powerpoint in about 5 hours before I had to present. I think it went ok. I went over time, and my layout was a bit different then other people- but I think my content was really informative.
I found out my euro-trip is happening. I’m so excited! I leave june 1st and am gone till about august 13- I cannot wait. I’m going to Prague, PRAGUE! I’m glowing right now I wish I could type that.
I’m really excited for this weekend also. Why? You ask, because I have a 4 day weekend. I hope I can spend a majority of it in bed. Although my friend is coming into town but to write the LSAT so she’ll be busy. And I really want to go to a paint-your-own-clay place, cuz I’ve been craving making a tea pot… odd craving eh, but I’ve been thinking about it and have concluded I will do anything and everything except write my thesis and it was probably influenced by mosaic making Rich.
Suggestion: Watch ‘Extras’ Its hilarious!!!
I found out my euro-trip is happening. I’m so excited! I leave june 1st and am gone till about august 13- I cannot wait. I’m going to Prague, PRAGUE! I’m glowing right now I wish I could type that.
I’m really excited for this weekend also. Why? You ask, because I have a 4 day weekend. I hope I can spend a majority of it in bed. Although my friend is coming into town but to write the LSAT so she’ll be busy. And I really want to go to a paint-your-own-clay place, cuz I’ve been craving making a tea pot… odd craving eh, but I’ve been thinking about it and have concluded I will do anything and everything except write my thesis and it was probably influenced by mosaic making Rich.
Suggestion: Watch ‘Extras’ Its hilarious!!!
Monday, January 28, 2008
uh... ohhhhhh
I did a lot of work today, Now I just need to throw it all together into a semi-coherent powerpoint presentation. The only not so great part is I just arrived home from becoming mildly intoxicated. I hate leaving the bar and my friends to come home and be alone.
However, I got to spend some time with one, Gregory, who may become m next crush. Boys are something I haven’t really thought about most of the year as I wasn’t really finding myself interested in anyone; and the weeks and months kept passing and now there’s only 3 months left so it all seems kinda pointless. Never-the-less- I may develop a crush on him and if I do I wouldn’t be surprised.
Tonight he suddenly, out of nowhere, reminded me of David (see drama from last year) they don’t look alike, but he’s smart and he had a similar little day planner and honest to god my heart sank a bit when I saw him take it out of his bag. I found out he’s my age- I thought he was two years younger which kinda freaked me out a bit because it placed the chances of me asking him out even more remotely then they had already been. This is because I have a slight position of authority in relation to him and it would have just made me feel icky…
God I hate feeling like this. I wish I had the ability to read other peoples minds. That would be incredibly useful- then I could give up on constantly worrying what other people thought of me- because then, I would know.
My dad just sent me a message on MSN which i missed saying i should call him tomorrow to talk about my europe trip. I'm scared.
However, I got to spend some time with one, Gregory, who may become m next crush. Boys are something I haven’t really thought about most of the year as I wasn’t really finding myself interested in anyone; and the weeks and months kept passing and now there’s only 3 months left so it all seems kinda pointless. Never-the-less- I may develop a crush on him and if I do I wouldn’t be surprised.
Tonight he suddenly, out of nowhere, reminded me of David (see drama from last year) they don’t look alike, but he’s smart and he had a similar little day planner and honest to god my heart sank a bit when I saw him take it out of his bag. I found out he’s my age- I thought he was two years younger which kinda freaked me out a bit because it placed the chances of me asking him out even more remotely then they had already been. This is because I have a slight position of authority in relation to him and it would have just made me feel icky…
God I hate feeling like this. I wish I had the ability to read other peoples minds. That would be incredibly useful- then I could give up on constantly worrying what other people thought of me- because then, I would know.
My dad just sent me a message on MSN which i missed saying i should call him tomorrow to talk about my europe trip. I'm scared.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Always running, running to nowhere
1st post of the new year- I hesitated because nothing seems especially new.
School is fine but busy as usual, and that’s about it.
Broken some resolutions already- but i've shifted a few things around on my blog layout and I like it.
I’m a year older with some kick ass birthday party pics to prove it- yet I still remain hesitant to actually post them on my blog.
I’m watching movies, reading, eating, and going to the gym and seeing friends. There is however a general lack of interesting-ness that’s settled over me though and I can’t seem to shake it.
Perhaps it’s a case of the winter balhs because it gotten incredibly cold.
School is busy but I can tell I’m not working nearly hard enough- but I almost question the point, because no matter how hard I work (or don’t work) my marks in each class seem to stay relatively the same (quite good). Except my film class- this is only because my prof. is an incompetent oaf. Can you believe that! me and film not equating stellar marks. I wrote a kick ass essay on ‘waking life’ (a film I know inside out) and he gave it a B-. A B FREAKING MINUS, seeing that I get straight A’s in 3rd and 4th year philosophy courses, I find it a little hard to believe that my 2nd year film prof. thinks I can do little better than a 70% on a 4 page paper. Then he has the gaul to tell me that’s a good mark. He gave me all of these lame reasons that he concluded this was my mark, explanations that the text in my essay clearly refuted e.g. “You need to mention technological development,” yet a sentence down I talk in depth about the historical context of the film and the technological technique of rodoscoping. He makes me so angry, I only take solace in the fact that I’m pretty sure his contract with the school is up this year and he’s not coming back, to bad I won’t be there for that. Not to mention that he speaks to me in a condescending and patronizing tone- what a shmuck… I’m glad no reputable publisher wants to publish his book.
That aside- everything else is relatively calm, my bidget is kinda tight- I know too much of it is going toward food, at least I think that’s the case.
I’m very much excited for February. I love the first of the month, ideally when it starts on a Sunday or Monday but even if it doesn’t I still love it.
I’m going to see the new Paul Thomas Anderson film tonight “There Will Be Blood” with my roomie and her friend (whom I detest due to him being a duchbag- but gotta be nice) I know nothing about the plot of the movie which makes it all the better (I hope).
A comment that made me uncomfortable: I was out at a club watching/dancing to a funk band and my friend said that I always looked so nice wherever I went even if I was just sitting around or going to class. These are the sentiments I heard- “you try to hard,” “your too concerned with your appearance,” “for being chubby (terrible word) you dress as well as you can.” Now obviously these things weren’t actually said, nor were they any intended sentiments which makes me realize that in fact I’m a little insane (yay more evidence). Although these were far from the intention the comment still made me feel bad about myself… partially, but also a little good after I told the crazy to shut up.
I’m coming to terms right now with an awkward situation- one which right now I have no control over. My life. More particularly my life in the near future. You see my applications are all in to grad schools and I won’t hear anything back for at least a month, so this past month and the one to come will continue to be incredibly unnerving, because I’m sure you know I am a planner. I love my scheduler, and my life is in such flux right now it making my head hurt and my anxiety on occasion go off the charts. To make it worse, my roommate (whom I love with all my heart) has already gotten accepted to two schools one of which I applied to, and the idea of getting rejected from that school makes me sick to my stomach. But it’s a real possibility because her GPA is a good 0.4 point higher then mine. But it’s also very clear I compare myself to those around me so it cannot be avoided. Although (as if it matters) the comparison is compleatly unfair as the programs we're applying for are compleatly different with different requirements and pre-reqs, however in the end for me it will just boil down to being good enough or not.
Romance- oh yeah my life is completely devoid of it. All the people around me are coupled, not to mention my older group of friends, I kinda get the impression that they are all sleeping with eachother—there are several reasons why I’m not included in this and I’m totally cool with these reasons (which are too complicated to get into here) however there was a comment that, even though hypothetical and made while drunk, made me feel good about myself in so far as it led me to believe that if things were different the 3-some, 4-some or just one of the girls would be glad to have me. Hmm it is probably wrong to judge self worth based on whether a few thirty somethings wanna get it on with me- but hey it always nice to feel wanted. While on another front- my fiend who has spent the last few years completely sworn off guys instead opting for romances with the fairer sex has found herself in a relationship with a feller. I’m happy because she’s happy (if not somewhat surpised- but perhaps not as surprised as her) I can’t help feeling a little jealous. I’ve yet to find myself in a non-ridiculous relationship with a guy and on a whim she is able to reignite her passion for boys and fall head first into an awesome guy/relationship. Maybe jealous in an understatement, maybe I’m just feeling particularly alone.
I, as always, hope my post doesnt sound too downer-ish. I'm coming to the conclusion that unless i put tonnes of effort into my writting i always start from this base line of depressing-ness. Although there can be (and frequently is) happy spikes my over all outlook isn't as happy-go-lucky as some others. But thats just me.
School is fine but busy as usual, and that’s about it.
Broken some resolutions already- but i've shifted a few things around on my blog layout and I like it.
I’m a year older with some kick ass birthday party pics to prove it- yet I still remain hesitant to actually post them on my blog.
I’m watching movies, reading, eating, and going to the gym and seeing friends. There is however a general lack of interesting-ness that’s settled over me though and I can’t seem to shake it.
Perhaps it’s a case of the winter balhs because it gotten incredibly cold.
School is busy but I can tell I’m not working nearly hard enough- but I almost question the point, because no matter how hard I work (or don’t work) my marks in each class seem to stay relatively the same (quite good). Except my film class- this is only because my prof. is an incompetent oaf. Can you believe that! me and film not equating stellar marks. I wrote a kick ass essay on ‘waking life’ (a film I know inside out) and he gave it a B-. A B FREAKING MINUS, seeing that I get straight A’s in 3rd and 4th year philosophy courses, I find it a little hard to believe that my 2nd year film prof. thinks I can do little better than a 70% on a 4 page paper. Then he has the gaul to tell me that’s a good mark. He gave me all of these lame reasons that he concluded this was my mark, explanations that the text in my essay clearly refuted e.g. “You need to mention technological development,” yet a sentence down I talk in depth about the historical context of the film and the technological technique of rodoscoping. He makes me so angry, I only take solace in the fact that I’m pretty sure his contract with the school is up this year and he’s not coming back, to bad I won’t be there for that. Not to mention that he speaks to me in a condescending and patronizing tone- what a shmuck… I’m glad no reputable publisher wants to publish his book.
That aside- everything else is relatively calm, my bidget is kinda tight- I know too much of it is going toward food, at least I think that’s the case.
I’m very much excited for February. I love the first of the month, ideally when it starts on a Sunday or Monday but even if it doesn’t I still love it.
I’m going to see the new Paul Thomas Anderson film tonight “There Will Be Blood” with my roomie and her friend (whom I detest due to him being a duchbag- but gotta be nice) I know nothing about the plot of the movie which makes it all the better (I hope).
A comment that made me uncomfortable: I was out at a club watching/dancing to a funk band and my friend said that I always looked so nice wherever I went even if I was just sitting around or going to class. These are the sentiments I heard- “you try to hard,” “your too concerned with your appearance,” “for being chubby (terrible word) you dress as well as you can.” Now obviously these things weren’t actually said, nor were they any intended sentiments which makes me realize that in fact I’m a little insane (yay more evidence). Although these were far from the intention the comment still made me feel bad about myself… partially, but also a little good after I told the crazy to shut up.
I’m coming to terms right now with an awkward situation- one which right now I have no control over. My life. More particularly my life in the near future. You see my applications are all in to grad schools and I won’t hear anything back for at least a month, so this past month and the one to come will continue to be incredibly unnerving, because I’m sure you know I am a planner. I love my scheduler, and my life is in such flux right now it making my head hurt and my anxiety on occasion go off the charts. To make it worse, my roommate (whom I love with all my heart) has already gotten accepted to two schools one of which I applied to, and the idea of getting rejected from that school makes me sick to my stomach. But it’s a real possibility because her GPA is a good 0.4 point higher then mine. But it’s also very clear I compare myself to those around me so it cannot be avoided. Although (as if it matters) the comparison is compleatly unfair as the programs we're applying for are compleatly different with different requirements and pre-reqs, however in the end for me it will just boil down to being good enough or not.
Romance- oh yeah my life is completely devoid of it. All the people around me are coupled, not to mention my older group of friends, I kinda get the impression that they are all sleeping with eachother—there are several reasons why I’m not included in this and I’m totally cool with these reasons (which are too complicated to get into here) however there was a comment that, even though hypothetical and made while drunk, made me feel good about myself in so far as it led me to believe that if things were different the 3-some, 4-some or just one of the girls would be glad to have me. Hmm it is probably wrong to judge self worth based on whether a few thirty somethings wanna get it on with me- but hey it always nice to feel wanted. While on another front- my fiend who has spent the last few years completely sworn off guys instead opting for romances with the fairer sex has found herself in a relationship with a feller. I’m happy because she’s happy (if not somewhat surpised- but perhaps not as surprised as her) I can’t help feeling a little jealous. I’ve yet to find myself in a non-ridiculous relationship with a guy and on a whim she is able to reignite her passion for boys and fall head first into an awesome guy/relationship. Maybe jealous in an understatement, maybe I’m just feeling particularly alone.
I, as always, hope my post doesnt sound too downer-ish. I'm coming to the conclusion that unless i put tonnes of effort into my writting i always start from this base line of depressing-ness. Although there can be (and frequently is) happy spikes my over all outlook isn't as happy-go-lucky as some others. But thats just me.
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