PART 1
Can you tell me if this is a girl thing?
I sit, and I hate myself for so many different things. When I was younger it used to hurt. But im so numb now, the thoughts are common like thinking I need to brush my teeth or put on pants. They are there all the time and make me anxious only on occasion. Like how I feel when my cell phone rings in class.
I’ve told myself so many lies, I don’t even know whats true anymore.
I want to say I don’t know where this depressing post is coming from… but I do- I ate 1000 calories today. And I cant stop thinking about it- its not that its too little or excessive or anything like that. But for today, its just too much and making me feel bad.
PART 2
"Hey ‘david’ (is that what we are calling him?),
This week feels like its taking forever.
I’m thinking of going to the market on Saturday morning, would you like to come?
Hoping that waking up early on the weekend will make me feel productive.
Lemme know either way.
Mel "
I sent this e-mail (yes only the stuff in quotes), if you think its lame or whatever I don’t wanna hear it cuz I already feel like shit and couldn’t take it. But at least I asked right. I tried. And when I fail, at least I’ll be able to say that.
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2 comments:
I don't get it, you eat 1000 calories, you know that's not too much or too little, so why do you still feel bad? Does the food make you feel physically sick?
And that email to Dave was fine! Casual, not pushy or anything, and a great thing to do together to get to know eachother. Things'll be fine!
How can I explain.
No it doesnt make me feel physically sick. It doesn't matter that i know thats an ok amount, it makes me FEEL bad or GUILTY... it just does.
Yeah...Dave is not coming, but he wrote me a bit to explain-hes going to be out of the city for the weekend. And he wrote some other stuff too it was a good e-mail =)
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